Sunday, 9 August 2009

Being Broke

It's a lovely Sunday morning but I don't feel it. The whole concept of Sunday MORNING is novel to me - waking up after 12 noon is a ritual really.

11:45 am - Roll on the bed, precariously tipping off the edge.

11:46 am - My warm blanket has broken my fall to the cold floor, by the carcass of a dead moth.

11:47 am - I lay contemplating the moth, glad that I didn't kill it, glad that I'm not it when harsh reality hits me in the face like a 3-point rebound - no money.

Yes, I have been poor. I have avoided a sizzler to settle for a sandwich instead, I have bunked class to go for the first show which'll cost me 70 bucks (not like class was too alluring an option), I have bargained for a pair of chappals from 100 to 65. But broke ! No, never, not happening, na-ah...until now.

My friend says, "Pft, you have been broke before." Indeed not ! I reply vehemently. You see, I explain, there's a world of difference between being broke and being poor, in terms of being a college student, of course. Poor is when an alarm goes off in your over-worked mind that your bank balance is dangerously low - this usually happens when I'm on my last 1k. All plans of buying get postponed for the week after the next deposit and a diet of pizza and lasagne gives way to Maggi noodles and Knorr soup. Books come from the library instead of being bought and the liquor tap is closed.

Being broke, now, that's a nightmare. I've been broke for exactly 2 days and man, it's horrible. I am not one for restraint but I'm literally on house (make that room) arrest. My your-on-your-last-1k alarm failed to go off, quite like my how-much-will-you-eat conscience. Not that I'm a glutton, I just love my food (high BMR kicks ass!). Of course, being broke means I have to stick to mess food, unappetising and barely nutritious at it's best. I've always wondered why they call it 'the mess' - is it an homage to the appearance of what is served ?

You know what's worse than being broke ? Being broke on a weekend. And just when you think it can't get worse than that, you go broke on the weekend after an exam. Excrutiating agony. Just when you think it's time to unwind and treat yourself, a severe lack of balance threatens your hold on sanity. For a lack of things to do is more frustrating to me than doing something wrong.

So I've put my thinkng cap on. Now it is imperative I do this because my thoughts fly in a million directions at once (if you refute my statement with physics, screw you, thinking is a continuous function). This particular cap has been highly effective in channelising the incessant cerebration that occupies the greater part of my day. Let's bring home some happiness. You see, for all my ingenious, innovative, elaborate and quite frankly, immpossible ideas of budgetting, nothing ever actually works. I'm like those circus people, when I have money, I spend it. So since saving isn't my cup of tea, I'll have to think of some other things to do in times of being broke :

1. Read a book - now this is something I love to do. But the problem lies in exactly that - because I love to read I can't make a chore of it. It has to be done because I want to do it, not because I have nothing else to do.

2. Go craft - seems like a plan, but I have no material. And I always leave my projects half done. I do believe I need some help.

3. Clean your room - indeed I shall, later.

4. Go to the beach - oh how I'd love to ! The beach is like my haven. The feeling of the sand between my toes and the salty breeze on my skin beats any fancy mani-pedi hands down. A quick check around the floor (sans my cap - it's a funny little number really) reveals an utter lack of humanity - no company, CAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS BROKE.

5. Wallow in self pity - there's a time and place for things like that, but really depression will lead to self evaluation which will lead to plans of self improvement which will lead to improving self which will lead to realising 'I can't really change who I am' which just makes this an exercise in futility.

6. Watch something - and now I realise I need to get some shows and movies, but there's no one around to give me that is there ?

7. Sleep - hmmmm. *after 10 minutes of lying down, which is twice the normal fall-asleep time* NEXT !

8. Eat something - I know this seems like a recipe for obesity, so I'd like to explain my concept of BMR (I conceptualise a lot) (I also love making new words) I eat throughout the day, but I don't eat a lot every meal. So my body's constantly metabolising all the food, releasing dangerous amounts of free energy, which leads me to have to always do something. You might say, stop eating, you won't have so much crazy energy to release, but my friend, a lack of food makes one hungry, and I ain't pretty when I'm hungry. But why bother, last week was exam week, which implies that the stock is empty.

9. Go online - I do that every day. I haven't yet understood what people do staying online hours on end. I get bored in less than an hour. I am starting to believe my boredom is an illness.

At this point in time I take off my cap to look for an expiry date. Why is everything giving haath at a crisis situation like this ? I don't have the money to replace things ! I put it back on and silently will it to work. This is based on my theory of 'making things work when they act like a bitch' - you switch it off/take it off/close it down, wait for a few seconds (highly variable, often depends on the item being a bitch) and switch it on/put it on/open it up again. Silently will it to work and Voila ! There it does. Atleast for me it does. Usually.

Like now.

10. Post it.

So the energy has fizzled to a tameable amount, I do believe I'm content. I have found something to do at no cost and I love it.

Being broke teaches you a lot of things. When you find them, let me know.

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