Sunday, 23 August 2009

Me and My Computer

Let me tell you a story to chill the bone
About a thing that I saw...

"Oh my respite from the occasional mundaneness of an ordinary life, my outlet of human (and not so human) emotions, my companion in sickness and in health, my beloved box of infinite entertainment, you break my heart. Why art thou so agonisingly stubborn, wasting mine counted hours on earth in service of thine fickle ways, waiting upon thee like one doth on royalty. Why oh why art thou so frustratingly slow ?

Have I told you how you make me feel ? Sitting before your doomsday glare is reminiscent of listening to a really boring lecture when I have a severe lack of attendance. All I can do is wait in agony and whine, curse and sulk at my bad luck."

One fine Saturday evening, while I was catering to my childlike addiction to cartoons (RESPECT MY AUTHORITY - Eric Cartman), my beloved computer crashed. Or rather the hard disk failed, mechanically and otherwise. There was a mind numbing blank in my 20 Gb memory as a cruel fizzle of wires effectively got rid of all my music and movies. "My life is over !", I cried as I frantically pushed buttons, as we naive humans do when the deities of Teknolozhiq turn their metal enforced backs on us. But to no avail. Everything. Was. Gone.

Mournfully I trudged ankle deep through the cold and sticky goo we call mud spewed relentlessly across my path by the rain, my heavy bundle weighing me down and yet held close like a precious pet. Gently I laid it down on the counter before the big man with the easy smile, so contrary to my 'child with broken toy' expression. "It crashed" I croaked, "can you fix it ?"*doe eyed expression*

"No problemo" he said, with a reassuring smile. I should've known better.

A new hard disk was put into my boxy companion of 5 years. But oh rotten luck ! The 'old is gold' theory failed to rescue me. I get the impression that the wily old CPU cannot handle the robust hard disk because of which every application on the computer is utterly slow.

My old hag of a computer has brought me down to the extent of wanting to trade it off for this.

I tell you why :
- my eyes water watching its bright and beautiful face for hours on end
- my index finger can bend over backwards (not cool) because the distal joint has outworked its range from hitting ENTER roughly 1472944 times a day
- all this waiting makes me hungry
- cup o noodles takes 3 minutes to make
- that's shorter than the amount of time the computer takes to boot
- cup o noodles makes me happy

Aren't those reasons enough ?

The way our world is criminalizing these days, the CIA and other intelligence (??) agencies will have to come up with innovative and exotic ways of torturing those who've learnt to withstand the standard methods. Methinks my computer should be enrolled in a top secret project, whereby tough criminals should be allowed to access the web.Things load agonizingly slowly and then when most of the site has loaded..........crashes very unceremoniously, which would lead to something like this.

I can only imagine what would become of the true devotees of the deities of Teknolozhiq if they had to undergo such torture. Maybe

The world as we know it runs on speed. This, however, is an immensely expensive affair, especially if you are caught running on it. I was impatient even before the world ran on speed but luckily my impatience has been tempered. Otherwise the computer might have been in quite a few pieces. Actually, a lot of pieces.

To all my friends out there, this is my humble plea. Pray to the Lord to speed up my computer. or better still, send me money so I can buy this

Thank you. *bows*

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